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Who's the father of all corny jokes.
Popcorn.
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How are Little Red Riding Hood and Robinhood related?
They belong to the same neighborhood
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Mrs Smith is very stingy. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking for the price of an obituary ad.
Ad taker: It’s $50 for five words.
Mrs Smith: Will 2 words be fine? Like, “GEORGE DEAD”
Ad taker: Oh ma’am, we require at least five words.
Mrs Smith: Hmm, alright. Please put, “GEORGE DEAD, VAN FOR SALE”
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Callie: Dad, you said before that you will give me $10 if I have A’s on my report card?
Dad: Absolutely! Why, did you get an A?
Callie: Dad, you saved $10!
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John: It’s ridiculous! I don’t believe it! There’s no person that fat!
Anne: I know! Where’d you get the news?
John: It’s on the papers. It said, “British tourist lost 2000 pounds.”
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Tom is applying as a security guard.
Interviewer: We need someone who has a suspicious mind, highly alert, has an insistent personality, with a strong sense of hearing
and with killer instinct. Do you think you are qualified?
Tom: I don’t think I am. But…would you consider my wife?
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Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, it's because she HAS TO.But when HE cancels a date, it's because he HAS TWO!
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A man was carrying three babies in a train...Woman: Are they your babies?Man: Hell no! I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints
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Dad: Honey, I am done painting the fences!
Mom: Why are you wearing 2 jackets? It’s too hot outside!
Dad: Cause it says on the label, “For best results, put on two coats.”